health

Life is better when you let go

Something amazing happens when you stop placing your self worth on your physical appearance.

Until recently, I hadn’t realised how much of an impact having a negative self image permeated the rest of my life. All of my happiness weighed on how I felt about my appearance.

I used to be in a constant state of melancholy, just going through each day wishing I was leaner, tighter, more tanned, had longer hair, less freckles and smaller legs. Looks became my only priority.

Unbeknownst to me, this translated into other avenues of my life. Work, friendships, relationships, my self worth and how I interacted with other people.

I was never excited, ecstatic, joyful, or anything more than neutral. I was merely, okay. But if I was happy with my body and if I was at a stage that I deemed ‘acceptable’, I was able to have fun because I finally felt worthy and wasn’t preoccupied with my body. I could socialize and feel like people weren’t staring at me because of how unattractive I looked (felt).

And then one day I thought, fuck it. I am more than this & want more to life than this. And that’s when my whole persona changed.

I started to have fun in every situation. I was focused on developing meaningful friendships, having ridiculous conversations, going out and allowing myself to feel something other than discomfort, embarrassment and judgment.

I was no longer worried that people were looking at my body in every social situation  because I couldn’t care less about others opinions. And with that I began to realise that no one else actually cares either. I started to walk down the street with my head held high, making eye contact with people because I was strong & confident within myself.

I started to focus more on my career and future. I poured myself into my work, I started to perform to a higher standard, stopped second guessing myself and started to take charge of my life. I felt empowered and like I could achieve monumental goals that once seemed more like a dream.

I became more spontaneous. This is something I’ve wanted to be able to do for years now. I never considered myself to be a spontaneous person because I was always shackled down by routine and plans in order for me to stick to a prescribed meal plan. But that’s not me anymore. Now, I can get in a car and go on adventures all day without having anxiety about what I’m going to eat or spending 3 hours beforehand prepping, eating on time and carrying 10 tuppaware containers around. I take the days as they come. I explore and do more activities that create memories.

I started to have better sex. And I mean amazing sex. Confidence can do wondrous things for a woman in the sack. I didn’t care whether I had a roll on my stomach and I wasn’t worried about unflattering positions because lets be honest, when a guy is in the middle of getting some he’s not scrutinizing your minuscule imperfections which don’t exist anyways. I became confident in not only my body but my abilities. Lets leave that there..

Food started to taste better. It became an experience again and not a focal point of macros or anxiety. Instead of going out for dinner and ordering the item on the menu with the least amount of calories that tasted like burnt cardboard, I order what I damn well want. If I feel like a salad, I will have that salad but if I feel like a pizza with a glass of pinot, I’m damn well having it.

One of the most monumental changes that happened was I stopped comparing myself to other females. I no longer walk into a room and compare my body to everyone there. I just don’t care. You have smaller legs than I do? Great, gold medal for you. I couldn’t care less about what other people do or don’t have because in the end, their body’s beauty doesn’t mean the absence of my own.

Ironically, I started to fall in love with exercise again. Once I decided there was nothing wrong with my body I started to take care of it and have a drive to be fit, flexible and balanced. I wasn’t training to change the way I looked anymore but focused on how I felt.

The most significant change that occurred is the love I developed for myself allowed me to love others too. I wasn’t consumed by a constant bitterness on my tongue that now allows me to welcome people with open arms.

Someone recently said to me “In a world of fake, you’re so natural”. To me, this is the most meaningful compliment I’ve ever been told & it rings true to so many people. Why try and change your authentic self for a life of misery?

There are so many horrible things happening in today’s world that worrying about having a few extra kgs or eating a piece of cake are so diminutive that they’re not even worth the energy.

Life is beautiful & when you start to love your body, you begin to see the world in a whole new array of colours. Embrace who you are for what you are, why would you want to change any of that?

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