Sometimes I feel that the timeline of my life is trying to play one massive, comical joke on me. Like it has this plan to perfectly co-ordinate every aspect to align accordingly then just as I think I’m on the right track and everything is as close to perfect as possible, it might seem funny to fuck that shit up?
Maybe things aren’t meant to be perfect. Maybe when you think you have achieved perfection it’s a sign something needs to change because you’ve stopped learning, growing, & wanting more for yourself?
It’s important to remember that when something falls apart it really does mean better things are about to come together.
You might not see it now, or next week or even next month. But think back to the last time you felt you were drowning and trying to catch a break. How far have you come since then? How much have you grown as an individual since your last heartbreak, failure or misfortune?
Did you find happiness again? Have you felt like everything was going perfectly since then?
I certainly have. Not so long ago I was in an eerily similar situation where I felt at a loss, questioning why and how. But since then I have come full circle & found happiness in a place I never would have dreamed of. Although I have found myself feeling that familiar nostalgic sensation, anxiety, pain, questioning, regret – but also hope, pleasure and a sense of contentment. And oh boy have I learned a lot.
I have laughed and felt and hurt again, despite thinking that it would take years to overcome that low. The tears in the pillow soon turned into laughter in the bed. The heart ache soon became longing and a sense of craving I hadn’t felt in an exceptionally long time.
And you know what? Despite the despair that has so predictably creeped back into my being, I know that once again I will turn full circle.
Life really is cyclical. It has this funny way of making you want more despite the repercussions. It’s like a scratchy or lottery ticket – gets you so incredibly close to winning that you can almost taste the prize, just to rip it out from under you at the very last minute to give you that sense of hope and anticipation for the next time – you might actually have a chance of winning. It leaves you wanting more like you get a taste, dangling in front of you & despite the pain you may have to endure it’s all worth it in the end.
I don’t know what’s next. I don’t know how it will work out. But what I have learned in the 23 years of highs and lows is that everything really does work out exactly as it is supposed to.